Remember that old feminist saying (originated by Irina Dunn) that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle?
Well, given that the Sarasota employment market is so tough, those of us searching for a job need ridiculous interview questions thrown at us as much as …. well, you get the point. With so much “riding” on a 30 minute conversation, then, it is deflating to be faced with questions that are, well, just plain stupid. And even more distressing is that the person asking the question is serious. They want an answer.
So here are some of the most memorable ones I’ve experienced or heard about as people search for a job in Sarasota (followed by a variety of imagined responses).
(1) Is this your dream job?
- Yes, I was hoping to earn 70% less and lose most of my benefits;
- Of course. I have nothing else to do on weekends and I even look forward to spending every holiday working here;
- Right on. Until I’m appointed to the U.S. Supreme Court, this IS my dream job.
(2) Which day of the week do you bring your best to work?
- Tuesday. Monday I’m recovering from the weekend; Tuesday I’m back to normal; Wednesday I’m tired; Thursday I’m recovering from Hump Night; Friday I’m busy making plans for the weekend, so yes, definitely Tuesday.
- Sorry, but I leave my best at home.
- I bring my best every day (isn’t this answer obvious?)
(3) Are you qualified to do this job?
- Absolutely not, but what the hell, here I am.
- Yes I meet all your qualifications: not only can I multi-task, handle multiple phone lines, respond to rude customers with tact, greet everyone with a cheerful smile, and possess expert ability in the entire Microsoft Office suite, but I am also a registered CPA, certified in CPR, and flexible to work any time of day or night for $10.50 an hour.
- Does knowing your brother count?
(4) Are you detailed-oriented or do you see the bigger picture?
- Sorry, what was that? I was staring at your hangnail.
- I already see the bigger picture that this interview is over.
- I have recently come to terms with this metaphysical conundrum by migrating from an ontological view of the universe to one that is better described as epistemological. Does that answer your question?
(5) Your resume is impressive. How do I know that if I hire you, you won’t try to take my job?
- You don’t; ha ha.
- Wait, is this a trick question to test whether I’m ambitious or a slacker?
- Why would I want to shoot so low?
(6) Where do you see yourself five years from now?
- Not here.
- Still looking for work in Sarasota.
- In five years I’ll be drawing on social security and my pension to travel the world.
- In your job, ha ha.
(7) What color is the sky?
- Blue. (Eek! Does that show a lack of imagination?)
- The sky doesn’t have a color; it reflects light (Oh no. Is that too smart?)
- Do you mean after sunset when I’ll be leaving work? (Egads. Too snarky.)
- It’s any color you want it to be. (Yes, I’ll kiss your butt gladly if you hire me.)
- Black as night. (I’m so depressed; I can’t even believe I’m applying for this job.)
Okay readers: I bet you have some of your own ridiculous interview questions to share. Please reply with one of your own.